Stop Calling Me "Strong": Why I Just Want to Be Celestia

I have some thoughts today. Deep ones.

I am so tired of being the “strong black woman.” Even as a child, I was forced into that box. I was basically an adult as a child. I mean, I was immature like any kid is, but I never was allowed the privilege of actually being a kid… AS A KID. I had to grow up fast.

At school when I hurt my leg, I was told to “spit on it.” When I was in foster care and crying because I got my period and was going through puberty, I didn’t know what was going on. I was scared. Wanna know the response I got? “Stop crying. It’s not that serious.” No empathy, just annoyance that I was so emotional, crying, scared, and confused.

How are you supposed to react when no one gave you "the talk" and your body starts changing suddenly? As a kid, THAT was a crisis to me. Some kindness would have been nice but I was barely afforded such kindness throughout my childhood.

When I was hunched over with bad cramps at school? I was told I was overdramatic and to stop interrupting the class. I wasn’t even saying anything bothersome, I was just hunched over in pain, crying, and asked to go to the bathroom for a bit. Just be strong, they say. You are a “stroooonnggg independentttt blaaaaackkk womaaaan… even as a little kid… apparently.”

Why wasn’t I allowed to be a child then?

I remember when I injured my foot and was limping a bit. I was actually written up and punished for not following the dress code. I wore flip flops because they were the only shoes that didn’t hurt that much. I never had a detention before that, but me? A “strong black woman” who just so happened to be a kid experiencing pain? How rude, here is your detention slip~

I’m an adult now and the strong black woman stereotype haunts me.

I struggle more without help and for longer than I should have to. I see white women get helped almost immediately. Why can’t we all get helped equally? I’m not saying don’t help them, but I just want to be treated with equality. While my white counterparts are called beautiful, delicate, and feminine… they were treated better in a way. They were helped and supported when they needed it.

I was always considered strong. Yeah, I was also called beautiful too, but people always assumed I had less feelings than other races. They viewed me as more masculine. I didn’t have a choice in that. I don't have a choice still.

Why do I have to be “strong”? Why wasn’t I allowed to be a kid anywhere? Not at home and not at school. Why am I not viewed as a woman? Or a little girl when I was one? I wasn’t allowed that.

It is not an individual problem, it is a societal issue. I don’t blame any one person for that. What exactly can you do with your biases and stereotypes if you aren't even aware of them? If you are unaware, how can you even TRY to change it or make an honest effort?

It’s how the world works but I don’t have to like it.

I am viewed as strong. I don’t feel pain. I don’t need love, support, or understanding because I am a “black strong woman.” Pain? What pain? That doesn’t exist for me. I’m “black” first, woman second, and human last.

It is not taken seriously by anyone, including medical staff. I have lost count of how many times I was sick or in pain asking for help, yet told I am fine. Just to later find out I was sick the whole time… the doctor just didn’t believe my symptoms were real. Since black women don’t feel pain, apparently. I am “strong.” That is all I will be seen as.

No one checks in on me when I disappear for a bit. There is always a reason, I have struggles too! But when I disappear and don’t text for a while… it is viewed as rude and disrespectful. Because I am a “ssttttrrrooooonnnggggg blaaaack womaaaaannn.”

Mental health is not allowed to exist for me. Physical health conditions are not allowed to exist for me. I’m just viewed as rude and other labels are tossed on me unfairly.

I wish this could change. Don’t call me “strong black woman,” I don’t want that label. Just call me Celestia. I’m allowed to cry, be vulnerable, feel pain, and be “weak.”

It is YOUR responsibility to see the humanity in me and everyone else.

If this resonated with you, feel free to check out my shop or leave a tiny tip to support my work. No pressure at all! I’m grateful either way, you being here is enough.

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